The Holidays

People keep asking me, how are you going to cope during the holidays?
Answer: The same way I cope everyday except there will some type of delicious cocktail or carbohydrate for me to drown my sorrows in.

When the beginning of October would hit, inevitably I would hear the same exact thing from my husband.

"Here we go....Time to go into debt! And then the fucking snow is coming, why Linny, why do we live in such a cold part of the world? And why does the end of the year mean spending money!!!"

1) My husband hated the cold weather.
2) My husband hated spending money.

With our luck, and great planning, most major occasions in our lives happen in towards the end of the year. Our Anniversary, then my birthday, then my daughter's birthday, then Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. It's basically one function and credit card swipe after another. Given that the calendar hasn't changed, this year will be no different- except he's not here.

I made it through our anniversary, and my birthday ok. No major breakdowns. The Chicago Cubs (my all time favorite team, and the one thing Mike and I did not have in common) were in the World Series, and won! So that kept me pretty busy and distracted. And then here we are today, 2 days after my daughter's birthday and I'm a hot mess. I have cried 4 times today. All for random different things. Mostly the memories. When you live a relatively normal life, things like dinner, driving somewhere, random moments in life don't mean much to you. But when you lose someone- they are everything. Sure I remember holidays, our wedding, our baby's birthday....but what I remember the most is a random Tuesday that he grabbed me and kissed me, or holding my hand in the car, or teasing me for getting my eyebrows threaded. That's what I miss. I miss regular days where there was no agenda, reason to celebrate, or expectation. Where is was just life, and us.

There's a song by Keith Urban, Wasted Time, where he talks about how the best memories of his life are just wasted time.  "Ain't it funny how the best days of my life, was all that wasted time"  Verbatim how I feel when I think about memories with Mike. It was just random moments in life, where we were just being together and loving it.

I feel like the world should learn to be Thankful everyday, not just Thanksgiving. Appreciate and love your families, everyday not just Christmas. Because then when something terrible happens, all you're left with is memories.