Weight Loss Chapter 3

Starting Weight: 256 lbs (AHH!!)

Current Weight: 192 lbs (yes!)

Goal Weight: 150 lbs


Holidays are over, and luckily I didn't gain 9 million pounds. The new running app is helping me enjoy running and shed pounds much easier. I fell off the wagon slightly, but I have been doing pretty good. The more and more I think about it, the more I am considering changing my goal weight. For being 5'7 the normal BMI would be 159 lbs. Quite honestly, I feel good where I am. I might change my goal to 180. I'm still thinking it over in my head, time will tell. The running has helped me shed pounds has also made me lose some boob weight.

My big boobs have defined me, for pretty much my whole adult life. Blonde hair, Blue eyes, Big Boobs. That's me, lol. Now I have a new identity. Non-smoker, goes to the gym, eats well...it's all overwhelming. LOL. I think about what my online dating profile would say before compared to now, and it's like two completely different people. I have my old life, and now this new life.

I posted the picture below, with caption on Instagram, and I've never been more frightened in my life. I've never shown my stomach to anyone. Even Mike, I would turn away when I changed out keep my arms in front of me so he couldn't see. When I was pregnant, I let no one see my tummy or touch it. Now, I'm proud of the work I have accomplished and what I have been through. Literally blood, sweat, and tears to get where I am today. And the fight is nowhere near over.

For now, I think I'm going to continue to just eat well and work out, and worry less about the number on the scale. If I go over the 200 mark, then I will start to worry, but for now I'm just going to enjoy this new body and new life as much as I can.

This picture is for my husband who made me feel beautiful no matter what the scale said.
This picture is for my daughter who gave me my stretch marks and makes want to be a better person everyday.
This picture is for my bestie who went into the gym with me and signed me up when I was too scared.
This picture is for my sister, who sparked my weight loss journey and always supports me when I fall off the wagon.
This picture is for all the boys who told me "you're cool, just too fat for me"
This picture is for the last time I showed my midriff publicly (first grade swimming class) and vowed to never do it again.
This picture is for fitting into a size 8 since FOREVER.
This picture is for the treadmill, kicking my ass 3-4 times a week.
Most of all, this picture is for me. Finally taking care of myself, being smoke free, eating healthy, exercising, and realizing no matter what I look like I'm fucking worth it.#transformationtuesday#60lbsdown #proteingoalsbro #crunchfitness#herbalife #winning

Weight Loss Chapter 2

Starting Weight: 256 lbs (AHH!!)

Current Weight: 200 lbs (yes!)

Goal Weight: 150 lbs 

So I am about halfway to my goal weight, the weather has changed and the holidays are upon us. To top it off I plan on quitting smoking starting the first of the year. I'm really getting concerned that I will not make it to my goal weight. The cold weather, the stress of the holidays, and celebrating them without Mike all cause me to want to stress eat. No bueno.

However, I have discovered a new app for running. Being a fat kid, running is basically the devil's work. I usually go on the elliptical for my cardio, but I'm hoping with this new App, I will be able to learn to love to run. The other problem is my feet. Worrying about my plantar fasciitis has kept me from running outside, but we shall see.

In addition, I have had a lot of thoughts about me looking so different. I wake up in the morning and stretch and almost feel as though I'm in someone else's body. I've never been this small before, and it's super weird. I wish Mike was here to see me, smack my ass and tell me what a great job I've done. Instead, I will be my own champion and fight for my own health and happiness.

I have a lot of people asking me questions about how I've done it, and what my secret is. I have some simple guidelines I have set for myself.

1. Record everything you eat, good or bad. I use My Fitness Pal, to track food, exercise, weight, water intake.
2. Gym at least 3 times a week.
3. Lots of protiens, not lots of carbs.
4. Remember why you are doing this.

That's all she wrote folks!

Weight Loss Journey Chapter 1

Starting Weight: 256 lbs (AHH!!)

Current Weight: 211 lbs (yes!)

Goal Weight: 150 lbs

4 months ago I went into the journey thinking "If I'm gonna feel like shit, I might as well look good" Well 40 pounds later, I feel like I look a lot better, but I still feel like shit. At the same time, I feel amazing. When Mike died, I thought, "I need to get over this, I need to kick ass and take names, I need to prove to the world that I am strong and nothing will keep me down. I went to the gym literally every day, picked up some new hobbies, ace all my school classes, redecorated my house, picked up gardening. 


One of my favorite movies is Elizabethtown, with Kristen Dunst and Orlando Bloom. Towards the end of the movie, the widow, Susan Sarandon gives her husband's eulogy. I found it hilarious, because she talks about after hearing of her husband's passing, she tries to fix the car, learn how to cook, learn to tap dance, fix the toilet- it was my life. I thought if I kept going going and going, the reality of Mike not being here would subside.  And for the most part, it did. 

The gym offered me a new way of coping with all of these bottled up emotions, all of the guilt, sadness, loneliness, I found a way to take it out on the weights and elliptical.  It was a big change for me, I went from being a career fat kid who ate her feelings to someone who was eating better, working out, losing weight. It gave me a way to work towards a goal, keep a schedule, and focus my energy on myself. Something completely new and foreign to me. It was and still is exciting, scary and new. When I posted the picture of my 40 lb weight loss, I got so much love and support and encouragement from my friends, that I went out and gained 3 pounds. Pretty much falling off the "diet bandwagon" 

I think that subconsciously, I was worried about succeeding. It scared the fuck out of me- succeeding without Mike here. So many times I had been down the diet and exercise route, and not necessarily succeeded. Mike was always there to tell me how beautiful I was, to encourage me and help me, and now I was accomplishing something without it. When I shared my weight loss with the world, it was like my secret was out there, and I was doing really well- without him. Scary shit. 

When I got back on the "diet bandwagon" it was hard, it still is. There are nights where I lay in bed and wish he was next to me, and my first reaction is to eat a package of oreos, and a tub of Ben & Jerry's. Some nights, I do that, other's not so much...but the main thing I have learned through this experience is that- I can succeed. I can focus my energy on myself, and it doesn't tarnish Mike and I's relationship, it doesn't diminish the love that we have. It shows that Mike married a really fucking strong determined woman, who will bust her ass (literally) to succeed and show her daughter that life can deal you a shitty hand-but that doesn't stop you from reaching your goals.