I have no words to describe how much I love and miss him.What I will do is share the last picture Mike and I took together. It was one of the early mornings in the hospital, where I would sit in the recliner next to him and hold his hand, put on talk radio for him or some Netflix documentary to pass the time until a doctor showed up. I was tired, emotionally drained, and praying for something to make the nightmare end. My face was a constant shade of red from crying, I was living on tobacco and caffeine and I was a straight up hot mess.
Through all the pain meds, limited brain capacity and impaired mobility he had he would wait for me to start to doze off and push my hand down and put his hand on top of mine. After 7 or 8 times of him doing this I finally got frustrated and said, "Michael, would you knock it off, I'm here to take care of you"
A single tear fell down his cheek, and he pushed my hand down even harder and once again covered my hand. I tried to move my hand from beneath his grip but he clenched his teeth and pushed down harder. He knew in that moment I needed his strength, because I didn't have any left. Finally I gave in and let my husband hold my hand for the last time.
If there's one piece of advice I can give to everyone after what we have been through its this: recognize what's important in life, who we spend it with. We live in a society where we have to have big houses, dream cars, designer labels and give off the perception that everything in our lives is perfect. When in the end it doesn't matter. I would give up every material object I have to have 40 more seconds with Mike. I would take back the fights about whatever crazy shirt he was wearing out (for fear of what people would think of us), because now all I have left is the stupid shirts. I would spend more time fishing or going for ice cream or doing things that make him happy because that's all I ever wanted was for him to be happy. I would post even more crazy sappy love things on FB to him because it made him feel loved, even when our friends and family complained about it
Mike and I have a once in a lifetime relationship and I am so proud everyday to be his wife. Even when we were fighting like cats and dogs I could walk up to him and say "I love you" and he would kiss me and say the same. We were incredibly lucky to have found each other, and even more lucky to have the circle of people that we do around us. Thank you to all of you for allowing me to share my feelings about this day, and being by Olivia and my side from the beginning of this nightmare. I am so grateful and lucky to have found my soul mate but also to have the group of people I do to hold my hand, now that Mike is gone, even when I don't think I need it.
